You were mad about Iran, mad about Afghanistan, mad about that and a whole lot more. You want to fight communism and the foreign scurvy who undermine our American way of life? Well, are you ready to go toe-to-toe with the Ruskies, no holds barred, for an all-out fight? Be prepared, America! Don’t lag behind your leaders! We’re doing it all for you—Presidential Directive Number 59 has given us the go-ahead to prepare for a prolonged but limited nuclear war, with cruise missiles, neutron bombs and first-strike capability!
Now we have ensured that for the good of America’s citizens, our leadership is protected in the event of nuclear confrontation. Without leadership, after all, we couldn’t even go the first few rounds with the Enemy. But how about you, Mr. and Mrs. America? Are you ready to go the first few rounds and come back for more? Join the countless Americans like yourself who are investing in America’s—and their own—future. They are investing in one of the USA’s fastest growing industries: the Survival Industry. They aren’t sitting around the barbecue pit waiting for the Russians to come ringing their doorbells. They are building FALLOUT SHELTERS. THIS IS IT AMERICA! NO KIDDING! Invest in the industry which will provide thousands of construction jobs, thousands of defense contracts, boost our military ranks and put us on an equal footing with our Enemies. Support your President’s revitalization program and put the old U.S.A. back on her feet!
Just fill out the attached form and send it to your congressional representative today. In return for your vote of confidence in the President’s aggressive armaments policies, you will receive, free of charge, a government publication, complete with diagrams, on how to build, maintain and survive in your own fallout shelter. An endorsement of the President’s new posture of assertiveness is your ticket to the future. Don’t be left behind! Be a survivor! Be the FIRST on your block to be the LAST on your block (if your block is still around!).
This fascinating brochure will contain the following topics:
Fallout Shelter Occupancy—Discusses psychological aspects of community and neighborhood shelter occupancy. How to get along with large groups of people you don’t particularly like in cramped quarters with limited amounts of food and water. Organize lotteries for that last drop of water. In the event of unexpectedly long internment (heaven forbid), how to decide who to eat. Transactional analysis, gestalt and primal therapies to get to the root of your hostilities before they cause bedlam in the shelter. Training with small arms to keep those unwanted neighbors out who crowd your space at the last moment. And more.
Building the Home Fallout Shelter—How to build a recreation room and bar in your basement which will double as a shelter when the time comes. Building a fallout shelter in an apartment with a limited amount of space. Objects to hide under if the time comes before you complete the construction of your shelter. How to store enough uncontaminated air and water to last for years in a limited space (yes, it can be done!). Deluxe and economy shelters in modern, colonial and ranch styles.
Use of Time: Shelter Amusements—Catch up on all those hobbies and chores you could never get around to during peacetime! What to do when the power shuts off—games to play in the dark, etc. How to keep your children’s minds (and-yours!) off sex—you’re going to have enough problems without that! Games to play which don’t cause arguments.
Basic Supplies and Equipment: What to Take With You—Some of the basic supplies that you will need include:
BACKGAMMON GAME—Learn this great new game that everyone’s playing.
HOT COMB—No reason to let your appearance go just because you’re not going out as much.
ETCH-A-SKETCH—No messy paper, no need for pencils. Will provide years of aesthetic enjoyment.
CERTS—Remember, you are in close quarters, so be considerate of others. A breath mint and a candy mint. DEODORANT & MOUTHWASH—You won’t have water for showers.
PET ROCK—Spot and Puff can’t come along when Armageddon comes around. A clean and convenient substitute. MOOD RING—To stay in touch with your feelings.
TRANQUILIZERS—Take our word for it, stock plenty.
A GOOD (LONG) BOOK—That novel you’ve been putting off for so long.
TOILET PAPER—Don’t forget this! Civilization will prevail!
A LOT OF FOOD & A BUNCH OF STUFF TO DRINK—Remember, you’ll be down there a long, long time and there are no Stuckeys or Howard Johnsons along the way!
*Planning for Life Outside—How to live with radioactivity when you finally resurface. Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of Your Erroneous Zones, advises you on how to live with heat storms, radioactive desolation, radiation sickness and complete social collapse. Where to forward your mail. Where to go to find out the outcome of the war. Where to gather if all the shopping malls have been destroyed, and how to begin rebuilding factories, schools and prisons in your neighborhood.
MR. PRESIDENT: I wholeheartedly endorse your tough new aggressive military stance. Let’s do whatever it takes in this noble cause and let’s WIN! Deploy all the weapons you need! We’re with you all the way! We’re digging in! Send our brochure on Civil Defense A.S.A.P.!
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