Title: Today’s Television Programs
Author: anon.
Notes: Fifth Estate #279, December, 1976
SKU: FE-0279-00007407-0008-00007430

      MORNING

      AFTERNOON

      EVENING

MORNING

7:00

channel 2 Bozo the Clown

Bozo and Mr. Houdini are joined by Lyndon La Rouche (aka Lyn Marcus) of the U.S. Labor Party for kiddie games and a masquerade.

channel 4 Sesame Street

The Fonz (Henry Winkler) shows up on Sesame Street and teaches the children how to smoke cigarettes and sniff glue.

8:30

channel 9 Good Morning America

Dr. Joyce Brothers discusses the “Myth of the Clitoral Orgasm.”

channel 7 Let’s Make A Deal

Eldridge Cleaver appears today.

channel 50 Thriller Movie

Boris Karloff plays Lenin’s corpse which is smuggled to America and revived by crazed teenagers (Peter Camejo and Christina Onassis) who utilize necrophilliac rituals and electro-shock to re-create a monster. Unfortunately, the kids are destroyed when the monster demonstrates ambitions beyond the “utopian” teens’ wildest dreams.

10:30

channel 2 Felix the Cat

Felix is confronted by a mad scientist (Tim Leary does the voice), who joins with the professor to perfect mind-altering drugs.

channel 62 The Price is Right

Ann Arbor’s own John Sinclair competes with other guests for prizes. Also, appearing are Jerry Rubin and Tom Hayden

AFTERNOON

12:30

channel 4 What’s My Line?

Game show where panelists try to confuse the TV audience. This week the Communist Labor Party presents their line.

channel 56 F Troop

Capt. Parmenter discovers that F Troop has been infiltrated by a radical clique (played by Patty Hearst and Bill and Emily Harris) but is relieved when they begin to fight among themselves and are laughed out of Fort Courage.

channel 9 Movie Matinee

“Bonzai Kemosabe” (1975) Rev. Sun Myung Moon plays a Kamikaze pilot who deserts the Japanese air force and crashs on the inside of a volcano to discover a hidden society peopled by religious fanatics who sacrifice children to a giant toad.

2:00

channel 2 Wide World Of Sports

Gloria Steinem in a boxing match with Mary Tyler Moore for dollars; Ralph Nader enters a solar-powered VW van in a demolition derby.

5:00

channel 4 George Pierrot—Travel

Rennie Davis shows films of his previous life as a camel’s asshole.

5:30

channel 7 Let’s Make A Deal

Eldridge Cleaver returns to compete with Greg Allman in the finals of Let’s Make A Deal.

EVENING

7:30

channel 7 Happy Days

Richie’s parents disown him when they discover that he is gay, but take him back when he marries Elton John.

channel 2 Sonny and Cher Show

George Carlin does imitations of himself doing imitations of Lenny Bruce. Gus Hall relives the past with Mitch Miller.

channel 50 Lou Gordon—Talk Show

Lou discusses his future with members of the Errol Flynn gang.

9:00

channel 4 Xmas Story—Holiday Special

Jesus of Nazareth plays a gunslinger who becomes an alcoholic as he realizes the absurdity of civilization. Billy Graham plays a traveling showman who uses Christ to sell snake oil and to seduce little boys.

channel 7 Kojac

Raymond Peterson, ex-member of the notorious STRESS squad, stars as a cop who goes on a rampage, killing unarmed civilians, family pets, and deflating tires on ice cream trucks. Kojac talks with Peterson, resulting in a raise and paid vacation for the local star.

channel 2 All In The Family

When a commune moves next door to Archie Bunker, the leader (Charlie Manson) fails to win Archie’s friendship.

11:30

channel 50 Night Gallery

Mao Tse-Tung returns from the grave to crush would-be revolutionaries.