Big Boost for Gas

“Tan me ‘ide when I’m dead, Fred,

“Tan me ‘ide when I’m dead.

“So we tanned ‘is ‘ide when ‘e died, Clyde,

“An’ that’s it ‘angin’ on the shed.”

—Bela Kun

Closing In on an Elusive Enemy

They’re dropping like flies! A devil of a run of luck! First Paul, then “Smiley” Albino, Pope John Paul. Now another gets ready to float belly up: full name, Pope John Paul George and Ringo...And he’ll undoubtedly croak within a few weeks. And no warranty!

The End Is Near (Contd.)

World Catholicism shaken to its foundations! “Oops, there goes another...” The Vatican has lost a lot of money: shipping all those cardinals back to Rome all-expenses paid, the new gambling debts at the casinos, the payola, the cocaine, the sumptuous banquets, the gala orgies in the catacombs, the unforeseen funerals of the faithful who die on the spot, not to mention the skyrocketing costs of incense, colored smoke, spotlights, the Italian Army Corps of Engineers, candles and other paraphernalia.

Protect your assets.

And one must consider the legions of entrepreneurs who are struggling to keep from losing their shirts, trying to unload all those thousands of newly printed medallions with Whitey’s image on them.

The competition, marketing the next pontiff’s profile on coins, will claim that “God didn’t want JP to become pope, so He dusted him.”

The first group will swoon, but will probably find a comeback something like “He was so good that God, knowing he was about to die, let him become pope first.” Sort of like Queen for a Day.

The Church Is Full of Wolves

Already, certain newspapers as well as factions within the church have called for an autopsy and Official investigation of the suspicious demise of What’s-His-Name. Shake, rattle and roll! Let the old bones in the Vatican tear each others’ chicken throats out, let them run through the streets of Rome drinking each other’s blood and barking like hyenas! As Steve Martin would say, “Remember, comedy is not pretty.”-

The Not-So-Favorite Choice

As for those who may feel even the vaguest twinge of compassion for that smiling phony, that image of the news media, we can express only contempt. Despite his “humanitarian” pronouncements towards the poor and his alleged criticisms of private property, he presumed to become pope, a “spiritual father” of millions, hence: a mortal enemy of human liberty. As his cronies rob the poor of their daily bread, he by his position, his complicity and his authority robbed them of even more fundamental possessions: freedom, lust, adventure, rebellion.

The First Signs of Life?

We don’t need saccharin lies any more than we need cruel and sadistic illusions. We don’t want platitudes. WE DON’T NEED POPES AND PRIESTS. So let them all be broomed away! The only good pope is a dead pope! 666! GO FOR IT!

Speech balloon on photo of deceased pope:

What’s the world

come to when a back seat

is considered optional

equipment.