Police Hunt Poo Protesters

In Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German police are in a quandary. The town’s dog poo is under attack. Police are hunting pranksters who have been sticking miniature US flags into piles of dog shit in public parks. Josef Oettl, parks administrator for Bayreuth, said: “This has been going on for about a year now, and there must be 2,000 to 3,000 piles of excrement that have been claimed during that time.”

The series of incidents was originally thought to be some sort of protest against the US-led invasion of Iraq. And then when it continued, it was thought to be a protest against President George W. Bush’s campaign for re-election. But it is still going on and the police say they are completely baffled as to who is to blame.

“We have sent out extra patrols to try to catch whoever is doing this in the act,” said police spokesman Reiner Kuechler. “But frankly, we don’t know what we would do if we caught them red handed.” The manure could really hit the fan if the government ever tried to bring the flag-in-crap pranksters to court, since there is no law against using shit in this way. Legal experts say the federal constitution is vague on the issue.

War is Shit: Military Recruiting Office Vandalized

South Toledo, Ohio--Antiwar protesters targeted a local military recruiting office Feb. 2 by painting “War is Shit” on it, and throwing a bucket of manure at the building, breaking its windows.

An email sent to a local TV station by a group identifying itself as “War is Shit,” claimed responsibility for the action. The group wrote, “In a nation fueled by murderous lies, we can think of nothing more appropriate than expressing our disgust in this inappropriate fashion.”

Graffiti with the same “War is Shit” phrase is plastered around this northern Ohio city. Toledo police say they are investigating the vandalism.