Thee Column

Writing serious, meaningful information that helps people is important, but after a while it bores me (and maybe you too) shitless. In response to this shitty boredom, it’s time for a collection of useless information, meaningless facts and general dung.

Telephone trips can be weird. For a starter try the usual tried and true recorded raps. The day we called Dial A Prayer 261–2440 the word God was mentioned 7 times during the 75 second religious message.

If you enjoy the word smile you can hear it spoken 14 times in a message less than three minutes in duration. Dial A Unity Thought is the smile connection—they can be reached at 778–7641. Their recording is sort of a combination Jesus-Dale Carnegie trip. If you have nothing better to do for three minutes, give them a call.

Grande Ballroom information plus banal entertainment provided by good ole Uncle Greedy (he called himself that, we didn’t) is obtainable via 834–9348 and/or 834–4904. Eastown recording numbers are 571–5660 and 571–5661. Birmingham Palladium is 644–2220. Good ole Morry at the Chessmate is reachable in recorded form via 862–1554. Absolute Zero info is 644–9709.

Without a doubt the finest telephone recording in the midwest is at your disposal here in the ole motortown. It’s geared to any “America, love it or leave it” crazies or any real freek in our readership who could dig a good long snicker. This gem of recorded rodent remains is Let Freedom Ring, the official voice of the John Birch Society, with the full cooperation of the Amerikkkan Nazi (or is that nutsy) Party. Its almost as good as listening to a recording of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, only in this case its more evident that you’re hearing a bunch of looneytoons. So now that you’re all hepped up, run don’t walk to the nearest telephone and dial the local nazis at 386–7550. If you should want to harass them in person their address is 6725 Allen in the good, clean, upstanding Amerikkkan city of Allen Park.

Useless information department: Did you know that Detroit’s Forest Warren community houses at the corner of Forest and John Lodge our own Stone Park. Kind of prophetic of the city to name it that, wouldn’t you say? John Sinclair used to throw parties in the laundromat on Forest, just east of Third.

The house where Charles Lindbergh was born and raised is located on Forest and Lodge, (northwest corner). Ironically, it is right next to the house where David Valler, well known Detroit News writer, mad bomber, and enemy of the people in general, lived and plotted.

By the way, the defense attorneys representing brothers John Sinclair and Jack Forest can use pertinent information relating to Dave Valler. If you have any info that is not already common knowledge contact them at 567–0450.

Almost forgot to tell you, dial 577–9996 and then 577–9998. I won’t tell you what they are, but the results are guaranteed to be killer.

If you don’t know by now, Open City is in a state of near collapse due to lack of money. Various fundraising tactics are being explored, and many are being tried. For example, a Fifth Estate reporter who doubles as ID checker at Vernes Bar collected $50.00 on a recent Friday night. This was done via one OPEN CITY canister (alias one coffee can with a slit in the plastic cover). This is amazingly simple to do, so if anyone wants to do a can thing or any other coin gathering scheme (dances, hash brownie sales, etc.), contact OPEN CITY at 831–2770.

FILLMORE LIVES.

PEACE ON YOU.